why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
