You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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