I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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