what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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