the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
