addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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