theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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