you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
