It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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