i just had sex bonerless
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
A bitchslap is in order.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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