Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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