Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
