There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
