My nipple is on Facebook.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
