So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
