He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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