Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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