Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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