I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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