my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
