you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
