So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
