Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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