No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
