You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
