A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
