i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
