Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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