We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
