My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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