My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
kristin has been a bad kristin
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
