She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
