remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
