I just gift wrapped bread.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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