you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
