It was confusing and full of hummus
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
