Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
