she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
