i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
