you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
