Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
