Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
