someone get that fucking seahorse.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
