this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
