he puts the penis in happiness.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
