I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
