the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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