can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
