yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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