First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
