and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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