His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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