I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
