I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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