If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
