i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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