I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
you inspire me to be a worse person
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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