I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
