A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
