I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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