Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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