i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
