that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
