Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
