Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
