I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
