the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
