I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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